Adoption Update: Court on Hold

I know there are many waiting to read an update on our adoption journey.

We arrived safely in Vladivostok, happily at the Vlad Motor Inn. Korea was very nice and they have renovated the transit hotel with flat screen televisions, new beds, new showers/tubs, very nice.

It was very warm and humid the first couple of days in Vladivostok and now it is around 37 at night and 60 during the day. The leaves are falling and the autumn chill is in the air.

I unpacked all of our clothes including our daughter's clothes and put out her first outfit, a very cute blue ruffly skirt, black polka dot tights, white shoes, black long sleeve shirt and sweater with matching knit hat.

We went to visit our daughter to be the first 2 days where we saw other children playing and took our son back to his baby home. He enjoyed it very much. He said hello to everyone, shook their hands and played with the toys. He said to my sister later that he had visited his old home. He was very happy with his sister. He gave her big hugs and she was all over him, just about chasing him down.

The day before court, we said our paka paka's to our daughter to be, she hugged us like crazy that day and reached out for us. She had become so attached giggling and wanting up over and over. I was so happy with our daughter to be. She was sweet, smiling all of the time and was just a wonderful little girl. We had gone shopping for baby food, drinks and diapers and then back to the hotel to rest.

The day before court I never thought life would change once again for us. My sister and I had taken Alexei out for a walk around the hotel getting some fresh air. As I turned the corner, I saw our coordinator standing with my husband at the back door waving me over. I knew at that moment something was incredibly wrong.

Indeed the information was not good. We had lost our daughter to be at the very last moment, the ever so feared witching hour. A relative had come forth, however not guaranteed but put a stop to us getting to bring our little girl into our family. The bonding, the hugs, the smiles and the thoughts were all lost to one fact "I would never see her again".

I suppose it was the last line, "I would never see her again" that made my heart sink. It was broken. My husband took it hardest on the first day and I stayed strong trying to figure out what was next for us. The second day I was not great but things were moving fast and I had to keep up. We were already seeing a new referral of a little boy. A little boy who reminded me of our own son just with brown hair, brown eyes and olive skin.

So here I was realizing that everyone back home, our parents, family, friends all wanted to know what happened and I couldn't even bring the words out to tell them what or how I truly felt. I think as most who knew here were left speechless. This is how I feel.

I would walk into our bedroom and want to walk back out seeing the girls clothing, the first outfit, the 3 little pairs of shoes and the small knit hats. Then I would think of the little girl room we all created and what was waiting for her. It felt like a huge weight pulling down inside my chest and my stomach, like a sudden, great loss.

My son who had met his sister was so excited to see her again and I wasn't even sure how to tell him he didn't have a sister anymore, now a brother. He did not accept it until late today when he finally said "okay".

We know not of what will happen in the next few days. We have spent time with a little boy, given him a name and hope that everything will turn out successful. Honestly, I fear the outcome as I am not sure it will all work out but hope fate will come through the way it is supposed to for us.

I cannot put in words the loss we feel and yet the hope we have that things will come out the way we need them too. Either way, we hold tight that Alexei will be able to bring home that sibling he has so been waiting to come to Russia for.