Thursday, July 30, 2009

Had One of Those Weeks

You know when you find yourself sitting for a moment and asking, "Did I really just get through this last week?" This is the question I have asked myself today following an early morning, a hundred degree thermometer in my car, sun barreling into the windows, loud pumping up type music on, lots of slow traffic and a five hour drive to go down to the Capital of Washington to get my last updates apostilled and suddenly, "Oh no, that really doesn't say a five right? Oh no, oh no, aaargh". Following the realization of the fact that the wrong number had been placed on my paper work and I need to drive all the way home to have it re-done, notarized the second time and drive back down to the capital to get it apostilled again, well that incident felt like the cherry on top.

Don't get me wrong, it has been a good week, just one of those weeks where you are spinning so fast, it seems like no matter how much you try to get it to stop, one more thing pops up.

Also for any of those who need just a bit of luck?!
Read below:
As you all know we have been going through this seriously extensive, why we always choose the most difficult journey in our life path to adoption and as many of you know, it is exhausting, stressful, emotional, beauracratic, costly, .... only to bring home the one true love both you and your husband share.
So, as you can imagine desperate times call for various types of actions.

I have often heard if you plant lavender by your front door, it can bring you luck. Hold on to your suspenders people, because either it is a deep coincidence or the lavender surely can't hurt, however this is how the week began spinning.
With over 30 hours of work to complete in 3 days, out of town guests probably hoping they could have done more with their time (I tried), last minute medical updates for adoption, a husband going through serious work hours and stress, 103 historic temperatures in our area, no AC, stores have run out of fans, pockets of brush fires burning where one can smell the incense of wood, our 4 leggeds panting and needing consistent mistings, our fish tank having to be set up again in a timely manner, and watching two houses while our wonderful friends are away, well, all I can say is, I sit here 6 days in from planting the lavender and rosemary and realize, "wow, maybe it does work" because even though it seems like a crazy week, which many of you have had, there is a lot of good that came out of those days.

And believe it or not, if Logan was here, I would have been worrying about trying to get a hotel when they were mostly sold out and I do not think I would have felt comfortable with him being in such a hot atmosphere with no cooling so maybe things do work out the way they are supposed to even when we can't understand why.

So, I guess I've made my point and if any of you need a bit o'luck, maybe try planting lavender and rosemary. I am off to take care of more paper work.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

The Day We Met

The day we met has two stories brought together by two songs.

I remember I met Michael on February 11, 2000 online, totally random as we had a favorite show in common and were on the threads late one night.
I knew fate had intervened and a song I would not normally have thought to be a favorite followed me where ever I went, whether it be in a grocery store, on the radio in a car, playing in an airport, you name it, it came on. The song was, "I Try" by Macy Gray. It even followed Michael into a San Francisco concert, "Built to Spill" who randomly covered it one night. It was ridiculously in our face, so much so, it had to be a sign.

We were in Russia and had just left our little one in the orphanage (one of the most difficult tasks in an adoption and one, which will wear on us for the next few months), and I remember staring out the back seat of the car while the music played. It was a selection our coordinator had to put together, some in English, others in Russian.
A song played, which caught my attention, maybe it was just perfect for the moment as I had so many emotions stirring inside my body.
The artist sang,
"I love being around you, you make it easy, easy as 1,2, 1, 2, 3,4
There's only one thing to do
Three words for you, I love you
There's only one way to say
Those three words and that's what I'll do, I love you"
-The Plain White T's

I kept the song in my head for the next 24 hours or so until we got home. I knew the voice was familiar to me. I looked it up and found the artist and from there on out, the song has come into our lives, whether at a restaurant, in a store, or in the car, it has followed us and not randomly but at times when we need the song or catch it completely by surprise.

Today, was one of those days and I am sure possibly some "to-be mothers" and "those who have been through this process" can completely relate too.

So, I was walking through my little town, breathing deeply, feeling a bit overwhelmed by the wait, the lack of communication about our little one, and I picked up my iced tall nonfat double latte from Starbucks, my daily life saver and decided to say hello to my favorite local children's boutique. I walked in, checking to see if they have anything new and the owner, the sweetest, hippest lady I just adore said hello like normal and asked how I was. Out of fricken' no where tears just start strolling down my eyes like they had been doing it all along. She looked startled and said, "I guess it isn't a good day, did you hear something?" I said, trying to gain composure, "No, nothing new, I guess the wait is just getting to me or something." Next thing I knew she was coming around handing me tissue and giving me a hug. Oh man, where did that come from??
Well, within, I kid you not, one minute of my mini break down, the song began playing and I just sat there dabbing my eyes and listening to it with a bit of a smile.
I realized it came on, gave me comfort and hope.

The hope, which is all Michael and I have to live with right now. There is nothing like saying to two parents, "You need to go and bond with him, see how you do with him" then we fall in love with him and then are told, "but don't get attached, nothing is for certain".

Well, I know legally they have to tell us this, but in no way does it lend to the reality of your emotions and the ups and downs it can cause, the not knowing, the reality it could be 2-3 months still, possibly longer.
The reality we have to do more paper work over again since it is going to be such a long time.

I guess what I am saying it is strange where life takes you, down the paths you never thought you would be on no matter how worth it, it is in the long run.

Maybe all of this will be just a memory, however I never want to forget the journey it took to get to where we want to be.

Monday, July 6, 2009

I Can't Wait

I can't wait
to see you take your first steps on your own
to see you crawl on the floor
to see you pat the dog on the head
for you to be licked by your big, furry brother
for you to laugh uncontrollably
for you to see something for the first time
to see the crinkle of your nose when you have tasted something you don't like
to see you fall into a heavy sleep after a long day
to be there when you wake up in the middle of the night
to pick you up when you fall down
to give you a hug when you need one
to hold your hand walking across the street
to watch you look around during your first trip to Disneyland
to see you open your first Christmas gift
to watch you dance when we put on a silly song
to cuddle with you on a rainy day
I simply can't wait and yet this list could go on for the ages

The day I realized I was capable of such mushiness, I accepted the fact I am so ready.

Wrote To You Last Night

The 4th of July weekend has just ended and now we begin a new week. "I wrote in your journal last night Logan so you would know how much we are ancy and missing you."

I am currently working on the court photo album, working on including our pics with the time spent with Logan as I was told it is very important to show the judge we spent time with him.

At this point, I am just hoping to travel by September unless there is some miracle. Getting my list ready to go and shop. Let's see high chair, diaper pail, wipies and so much more.

But mum is coming in, in two weeks so I will bug her and take her out shopping.