Our First Night Alone

As I walk out of my room in my pajamas (I think Michael packed my favorite sweatshirt as this is gone, sniff, sniff) lol holding the boy close in his girlie pajamas, the entire police brigade is in lobby. I do not think I have ever seen so many police here at the Vlad Inn.

I sneak into get a new internet card and walk back down the hall hearing fellow Americans talk about various things. I swear these walls are very thin.

I think about my husband who said he had a hard time the first flight and Alexei helped him out a bit. I think about Alexei grabbing onto me before they left and holding onto me so tight saying he didn't want to go. I told him, "I love you, take care of Papa and I will follow you home in a few days". Nine to be exact. It seems like eternity. Do not get me wrong. I am NO debbie downer but I have to say after the last month we have been here, obviously it has been a bumpy ride, thanks to our coordinator to help us through, I am not sure what we would have been able to do or where this would have left us without it. However, having said this and having some personal issues before we left, then the roller coaster kept going, we have started this together and desperately wanted to end it together.

Michael texted me and said it was difficult as it was not the same type of adoption trip home. He said it was very sad. And here I feel very empty. When we set out to do this together, we hoped to bring home our entire family. Life changes, things change and I confess, maybe I would be stronger if my husband hadn't been really sick the last 2 days here and if I have had sleep in the last 5 days. I am way too exhausted to deal with the continuing changes.

We have another long day tomorrow, which I hope isn't too long as it feels daunting in the state I am right now physically and mentally. Then another long day on Thursday at the embassy.

Thankfully, Ewan has just been hanging out entertaining himself bit by bit and running around in his pink polka dot pajamas. Remember, we were here for a girl lol, poor guy has some interesting pictures to remember later in life haha.

I know people say these days will go fast and this will all be in the past and it will obviously. For now, I just pray like a mad woman, I can sleep one night, for now I would be happy for one night. Nothing has worked so far, hot baths, meditation, tv, music, sound machine, nyquil, etc. So, I am going to hope that the nausea and physical exhaustion just let my body give in.

I await the moment I can skype my boys and say hello in 14 hours or so.