A Week Home

Well, after watching my husband mow our yard to the left, lol, I made a rice noodle spaghetti. Wow, this whole no wheat, no gluten thing is very interesting. Have to say it wasn't too bad.
The photo to the right is one early morning in Vladivostok. It reminded us a bit of Victoria, B.C. when we would stay a weekend up there or a very early morning in Seattle. Within a few hours, it had burned off and the sun was bright again. The paper work is just about done. I just need to have it notarized tonight and then we will get down to the Capital this week and send it off. Hope everything goes smoothly as last week in itself was a tornado. Coming back, jet lagged, up 20 hours, sleeping 14, then off to medicals at 9 in the morning, and from there it was running around non-stop. If you have to do any of these things at any time, I find you have the most inspiration when returning from just seeing your possible future little boy.
I still think back, even though we were able to make him smile and let out a couple of laughs, the moment he saw his caregiver, he was overwhelmed with the smilies and giggles. I hope one day, I can see this same reaction when he sees us pop into a room.
The nice part about it all, is I can still feel his turtle like hugs and his arms hanging around my shoulder, where he would slowly take his finger and move it up and down. I had Michael take photos as I could not see his face when he was like this and he was too cute, just sat there staring up at Michael and looking around, content.
The other moment I remember so well is when he was in Michael's arms, and saw the lime leaved trees begin to blow outside. His eyes slowly became wider and then his eye brows popped up as if he had seen something for the first time.

On another note: I love all of these people but telling someone that life will never be the same and you won't be able to go out anymore and things change when you have a baby as if it is dooms day coming upon us, well I have some opinions I would like to share:

-When you have waited for over six to seven years hoping, maybe if fate allows to give you just one child, then you're willing to stay up all night for days on end, if it means rather than staring at a ceiling, you're staring at a baby boy having a difficult time sleeping, then let me at it.

-If you and your husband have watched more films, taken many walks, had many beautiful sunsets, and enjoyed nice dinners out and in, and you feel you want to share that now with someone a little bit smaller and just maybe with that we will lose the ability to jump in the car at the last minute, well that something smaller, far out weighs the white linen dinners and the Maitre D, who needs to take the time to exhale.

-And if you are anyone who knows us, traveling, video gaming, movies, writing, nothing can give us more inspiration then being able to see it through your child's eyes, even if he may be wailing in an airport and you have just become parents and look around like, what do I do?

-And since we got engaged, married, decided to have a child, and spent every birthday at Disneyland and even have our parents and friends photos in Mickey hats, well, then you know, if that is where one of our happiest places on earth is to spend a day or night, then you surely know, it isn't difficult to talk a child into going to Disneyland with you, even if it is at the resort pirate pool or taking a stroll through the holiday lit streets, or climbing into a boat at the Pirate's ride and hoping you're little one won't have a spaz attack after falling down the water fall parts or at the very least hold onto us tightly.

You see, when you have a child, whether naturally or through the mountainous climb of adoption, you learn in life to appreciate every little thing you have in your life. This adoption is the greatest challenge and we have faced many, and when you see your little one huff three times, warning you, he is about to cry because he would really rather be hugging you then, standing on his two feet, or you have been told for the fifth time, you need to run down to the capital and get these apostilled and you know you have to try to take time off, get the paperwork done correctly and prepare for another long drive back and forth and run to the mailbox place to over night it, and I could go on with AND's from here to "tim- buck-too" (sp).

There are times when I have literally put up a wall and knew I had and asked Michael to help me take it down or when I have wanted to cry so badly and the tears will only surface and retreat because it could mean spending too much energy I need or knowing deep down I need to be strong and keep going.

The thing is adoption is a climb for those who want something so badly, there are no words to express it, it is for the strong and for the survivors, it is for the one's who know they must and will commit their lives to follow through, years after the paper work is all done, it is knowing that at times when you feel like it is so unfair you have to leave a baby behind for a couple of months, who you only just met and fell in love with, and left a piece of yourself too.

As I look back now, it is not my stomach, which is empty, rather a piece of my heart is with a little baby boy on the other side of the world who is counting on me to do whatever it takes to get to the other side and retrieve the piece of my heart I left behind awaiting to make it whole again.

So, if someone says, "You're life is going to change, you won't be able to do much anymore." Well, all I can say is, "You're right, life is going to change, but it will be a whole new world, one I can't wait to embark on."

Love you all,
H