Never underestimate a 3.5 year old

I have been home for 1.5 weeks and we are transitioning into having two boys. Two boys with two huge personalities.

Only in the middle of the night do I sit and think about at times the last 6 weeks and as I adjust and start to move forward I realize that my son Alexei is going through an even harder time on a different level. Will I ever be the same me? Not at all. Am I still angry? Completely. When asked recently about the situation and how I was feeling, I said I am angry, angry at how this happened. I know there are 5 stages and maybe that's life, I just have to endure. My husband is on the next stage. I figure it is because he got home earlier and could deal with things sooner.

In the last 4 days, this is what I have had to either answer or sit down and talk about with my Alexei who is at his own grieving stage:

1) When are we going back to Russia to pick up my sister?

2) (the hardest one) Why did we lose my sister?

3) Tell me about the story of when we are going to Russia to pick up my sister. The one with the airplane and us playing.

4) I have a sister and a brother. My sister is in Russia.

Some people tell me how 3 year old's do not remember much. Let me tell you, from a child development background, they remember almost everything. I have sat here with my son the last couple of days and he has told me about how I should remember when we went on the horse ride at Disneyland and how we saw Goofy and met Mickey Mouse. He had just turned 2 and he recalls every detail. My husband said just the other day he was recalling the entire trip down to details.

I know from when I was 3 I remember just about everything too.

So, how old is too old to sit down and explain what happened? Well, I have said her mother came back for her but then the whole question comes up, is she with her mother? Well, then the question is do you lie to your child? I have never been one to feel comfortable doing so. I then work on avoidance of the issue, however as you have seen above, it will take time and it is still quite fresh in my little 3 year old's mind.