The Last 6 Weeks and My Strength

Today, my parents went home. I now get to spend the first day tomorrow with my boys, just the 3 of us. As I take the first moment to reflect (I see many moments like these in the next few days) on everything we have gone through this past year and most importantly these past 6 weeks, I think of my grandmother who died suddenly 9 years.

How has she been such an impact on the strength I have had to get me through these past 6 weeks?

My grandmother Natalie or should we say "mom" since grandmother was not in her vocabulary was a woman that I am sure I have felt was a steep hill to even live up to with all she had accomplished in her time period. Her photos sit on my mantle, as my screen saver and downstairs in my hallway that serve as a reminder to where I have come from and where I am today.

She was a driven woman pushed strongly by her mother, Anna a nurse and her aunt Irene who she was raised by since watching her father Nicholas drown right off La Jolla Shores Beach when she was a young girl.

She played oboe in the school symphony and went off to university where she took her music further. Then she became a reporter for United Press International and was on her way to cover the fashion shows in Paris and around the world. The woman was unstoppable living in a man's world. She became the first CBS anchor woman in San Diego in addition to news radio, covering the hard news as well as hollywood women's press club and covering the Vietnam war in a helicopter with her news photographer above a war zone and marrying the love of her life who was also a news reporter in San Francisco and Los Angeles.

He, being my grandfather Bill died when my mother was 8 years old suddenly after being taken to a hospital. While the love of her life passed away, she received notice the same day that her mother had suddenly died 2 hours away while being with my mother who was also just a young girl.

Now a single parent of a daughter and a full time news lady, there was no time to slow down in the early 60's. She kept going, gone on assignments all of the time and when home having a social life that mixed with work and was gone at fancy engagements.

I remember being 17 and asked by my highschool teacher to interview my grandmother. Phmmp, try doing this when your grandmother does this for a living. I was so incredibly nervous and was afraid to ask her anything if it wasn't the "Right" way to do so. I looked up to her hugely. She was "mom" after all and you did what she said and you dressed the part, always dressed up to every dinner, holiday, engagement, you name it and what I remember most was when she said, "You do what you do for you, that's all that matters in life." She was a strong woman but had to be. I do not remember her tearing up once until her next husband passed away.

She went swimming and worked out daily, always in bed before midnight as she said otherwise you would not look your best. She taught me to walk with books on my head, put me in a summer program on how to eat properly, dress well and walk the runway at the old Broadway store. My clothes were made for me by Saks Fifth Ave for years by a lady with long rimmed black glasses and the funniest hair do but this was expected by my grandmother.

Life was certainly with high expectations so now that she has been gone for 9 years, I know that there is so much of me who feels that life is important and I cannot let everything that has happened to us just fall to the wayside nor can I let it drain me of life but rather I can transition into the next stage of my life stronger and more prepared.

I often think of everything she had gone through and the person she became. She was incredible and most of it sadly I learned as I sat for a week with family and called her very large book of contacts to say she had passed.

Most of all, I feel she has been there with me in Russia for all those weeks. She lived in a complex time period in America. Concerning her job, there were things better left unsaid. I remember though being raised on sour cream in every thing, soups, sauces being made in what they call a tyudka in Russia, borscht on our table, red cabbage, shredded carrots in everything (ick), mushrooms in everything, the importance of her daily vodka with a twist (never went a day without it), the strength she carried with her, the importance of taking me to restaurants with Russian culture and how proud of me she was when I agreed to take Russian language in highschool. I knew we had family in Britain and that was all that mattered. This is what we were. She was strong about this but not until we decided to adopt our son from Russia has so many things come back to me and talking with my mother have I found out so much and learned so much about myself and who I am.

Through my sons I have found a greater me. I always thought I would have a daughter. It was important to my grandmother and we have had the strong women in our life passed down through generations and now I have 2 boys. I walked out today to my livingroom looking at my husband and 2 boys. I thought wow, I am to raise 2 boys.

I will say this as I have said in the past, Do not be afraid to ask your parents questions and to get to know them, even to sit down and ask them everything you have ever wanted to know. I learned more about my grandmother once she died and yet she was in my life since the day I was born guiding me to the woman I am today.

Some people have asked or said to me, "How have you been these past 6 weeks? or I could never have done it, how did you? or You have so much strength."

I dedicate this strength to the women in my family who have pushed us to take that step in making it no matter what comes in our path.

My husband who taught me to cry and hug and I will say, my grandmother spent 10 hours at least with his parents one day making sure he was the man I should be with, which I did not know about until after and I still think that in some way, he was brought to me to make this all happen and to do this together.

He is often my calm, my strength that was also my grandmother "mom". She died a year after I married him and I often think as those two hummingbirds came to my window flying still in the air together looking my direction that morning, signifying my grandfather, Robert Hunter and my grandmother Natalie Ann that they were there to tell me, "It's your turn now but we are here with you every step of the way."

They have been and now I hope to pass down everything that was passed to me on the importance of living and being a person who can overcome many of life's most difficult hurdles.

To my grandmother as I drink her daily vice, Vodka with a twist, "za schast'ye", To happiness. Thank you for bringing me here.