This week has been one of those challenging times in an adoption where you have to hold tight and just work on getting the things done asked of you while also keeping your emotions in check.
This time around in this adoption, I am also running around after a three year old, which makes me wonder why I ever complained last time haha, kidding, every experience is different.
My mother is visiting from out of town and this is the first week she has been here since Christmas and what happens? I end up having to drive to the capital while she and my son tag along all day Monday, then over night a package to the agency, feeling half way relieved that our papers were off to court, I receive a call Wednesday morning with another correction needed and another drive down to the capital on Friday day with my son and mother. I think with the stress of having to change plans and stay on top of the adoption, it can take a toll on the emotions, no doubt.
And then there is the moment where I should just let things go and breathe and get through as this is a means to an end.
All in the same moment, I am dealing with our neighbors dogs who have broken through our fence 3x in the last week. This will be fixed with us buying lattice for the entire fenced area as a secondary layer.
I have also decided that this was the week to pull my entire closet apart and get organized before our little girl comes home. With lots of clothes to give away, I have now made even larger messes.
We may not be back to Russia for another 6 weeks or so, having said this, I am tug boat carrying around the rest of the baggage before unloading at the dock and getting ready to take another journey.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Thoughts on a Plane
I am writing this as a bit of an exercise as I evaluate why I feel the passion I do in helping the children out there who do not have homes or wait minutes, days, months, years passing by not knowing what it is like to have a bed to wake up in that is all theirs or run out in the morning with one intent, to receive a huge hug from a parent, Mama or Papa. The small things we take for granted every day, those moments, whether simply being able to sit with your son or daughter and realize you are giving them a life, a starting point to something greater.
I will never forget the moment my son was in my arms and I held him up to a tree to touch a leaf. The leaf between his fingers widened his eyes and yet almost gave him a reality check, like, this is good, this is different, but this is what I needed these past 15 months was to feel the leaves between my fingers, touch the grass beneath my feet and feel the warmth wrapped up in a mother's arms.
When I leave Russia, I sit in the plane my head pressed against the plane glass looking down with a heavy heart. There will never be a day that passes that I do not think of Russia, of the children I leave there each time wanting to give them more. I have said this before, a piece of my heart will forever be in Russia.
Michael and I may not have been able to conceive and in some crazy thought, I am so grateful as I would not have the beautiful son I cherish each day or the daughter who is coming into our lives soon. The road may be seriously difficult, incredibly challenging, life altering and often bumpy but in the end I have realized my life direction was and is to continue to be a part of supporting these children who need a home by doing whatever it takes to give them a little piece of what we all have each day in our lives.
I will never forget the moment my son was in my arms and I held him up to a tree to touch a leaf. The leaf between his fingers widened his eyes and yet almost gave him a reality check, like, this is good, this is different, but this is what I needed these past 15 months was to feel the leaves between my fingers, touch the grass beneath my feet and feel the warmth wrapped up in a mother's arms.
When I leave Russia, I sit in the plane my head pressed against the plane glass looking down with a heavy heart. There will never be a day that passes that I do not think of Russia, of the children I leave there each time wanting to give them more. I have said this before, a piece of my heart will forever be in Russia.
Michael and I may not have been able to conceive and in some crazy thought, I am so grateful as I would not have the beautiful son I cherish each day or the daughter who is coming into our lives soon. The road may be seriously difficult, incredibly challenging, life altering and often bumpy but in the end I have realized my life direction was and is to continue to be a part of supporting these children who need a home by doing whatever it takes to give them a little piece of what we all have each day in our lives.
Monday, June 13, 2011
A Walk at Dusk
A walk at dusk with my son is exactly what we needed as a mother and son. Alexei had been wrestling with the idea of going to Russia when we first came back from Vladivostok.
I decided to ask my son to go on a walk one evening while the sky darkened to a pale twilight.
"Alexei, would you like to take a walk with Mama?" I held out my hand and he ran down the stairs.
"I want to walk with Mama! Bye, Papa," he yelled up the stairs. We shut the door and set out. He held my hand and for moments I tried to make a permanent imprint in my mind the feeling of his small hand in mine. The trees rustled with the breeze and we continued to walk down the quiet street.
"Alexei, Mama and Papa need you to go to Russia with us to pick up your sister. We are coming back, all of us on a plane." I paused, "I need for you to come with us on the plane, can you do this?" I could see his little black converse tennis shoes kicking up some of the gravel along the side of the pavement.
"Pick up my sister?" he asked.
"Da, you, Mama, Papa and your sister. We will stay in a hotel, play tennis if you want, play every day if you want, watch movies and be together, then we will come back and see grandma and grandpa at home."
"Okay, I go to Russia." We walk along and I point to a maple tree.
"Do you want to touch the tree?" I ask. He has always been so curious about the trees, flowers and his surroundings since I brought him home.
"Yes, pick me up." I hold him up to the leaves and he touched them, rubbing the leaf between his fingers.
"Cool huh? They have all turned green for spring. See the flowers?" Pointing to a small patch of purple daisies.
"Flowers," he repeats. "The moon! The moon!" He points into the sky and there is a bright full white moon.
"It's beautiful Alexei!"
"Yes, moon is beautiful. We fly up there in a plane to Russia next to the moon?" he asks.
"We fly in a plane to Russia in the sky, yes."
He says, "Okay Mama, I will go to Russia to pick up my sister."
There is nothing more intense at times than the bond between mother and son. A communication that tugs at my heart and feels complete. This week his suitcase arrived with his name on it, a back pack and a dvd case. The day the package arrived, I had not realized he had taken his other dvd case and chosen what movies to bring with him and put them in his new one and packed his suitcase with his favorite monkey, Buzz Lightyear and toys he wanted to bring with him.
At one point he rolled the suitcase to the door and said, "Let's go to Russia now."
If you feel like no matter what you say, things do not seem to be connecting or your toddler feels overwhelmed, a quiet walk seems to bring this mother and son together on a whole other level.
I decided to ask my son to go on a walk one evening while the sky darkened to a pale twilight.
"Alexei, would you like to take a walk with Mama?" I held out my hand and he ran down the stairs.
"I want to walk with Mama! Bye, Papa," he yelled up the stairs. We shut the door and set out. He held my hand and for moments I tried to make a permanent imprint in my mind the feeling of his small hand in mine. The trees rustled with the breeze and we continued to walk down the quiet street.
"Alexei, Mama and Papa need you to go to Russia with us to pick up your sister. We are coming back, all of us on a plane." I paused, "I need for you to come with us on the plane, can you do this?" I could see his little black converse tennis shoes kicking up some of the gravel along the side of the pavement.
"Pick up my sister?" he asked.
"Da, you, Mama, Papa and your sister. We will stay in a hotel, play tennis if you want, play every day if you want, watch movies and be together, then we will come back and see grandma and grandpa at home."
"Okay, I go to Russia." We walk along and I point to a maple tree.
"Do you want to touch the tree?" I ask. He has always been so curious about the trees, flowers and his surroundings since I brought him home.
"Yes, pick me up." I hold him up to the leaves and he touched them, rubbing the leaf between his fingers.
"Cool huh? They have all turned green for spring. See the flowers?" Pointing to a small patch of purple daisies.
"Flowers," he repeats. "The moon! The moon!" He points into the sky and there is a bright full white moon.
"It's beautiful Alexei!"
"Yes, moon is beautiful. We fly up there in a plane to Russia next to the moon?" he asks.
"We fly in a plane to Russia in the sky, yes."
He says, "Okay Mama, I will go to Russia to pick up my sister."
There is nothing more intense at times than the bond between mother and son. A communication that tugs at my heart and feels complete. This week his suitcase arrived with his name on it, a back pack and a dvd case. The day the package arrived, I had not realized he had taken his other dvd case and chosen what movies to bring with him and put them in his new one and packed his suitcase with his favorite monkey, Buzz Lightyear and toys he wanted to bring with him.
At one point he rolled the suitcase to the door and said, "Let's go to Russia now."
If you feel like no matter what you say, things do not seem to be connecting or your toddler feels overwhelmed, a quiet walk seems to bring this mother and son together on a whole other level.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Nordstroms Exclusive for Russian Season
Nordstrom's has started their seasons for "It's a Small World".
The Spring Season was Japan.
The Summer Season is India.
The Autumn season will be Scotch.
The Winter Season will be Russia.
I cannot wait for the Russian season as not only will there be specially made "It's a Small World" clothing for babies and children with the influence being Russian, there will also be the Petunia Picklebottom Diaper Bag collection also influenced by Russia.
Alexei has one of the green "It's a Small World" T-shirts and it is wonderful with a globe and several countries represented in a circle.
So keep a look out for the winter season!
The Spring Season was Japan.
The Summer Season is India.
The Autumn season will be Scotch.
The Winter Season will be Russia.
I cannot wait for the Russian season as not only will there be specially made "It's a Small World" clothing for babies and children with the influence being Russian, there will also be the Petunia Picklebottom Diaper Bag collection also influenced by Russia.
Alexei has one of the green "It's a Small World" T-shirts and it is wonderful with a globe and several countries represented in a circle.
So keep a look out for the winter season!
One of those days
You know the days, the one's where your son cries about five times, says "I want chocolate milk" and you bring him chocolate milk and he says, "I don't want chocolate milk". Or when he takes his suitcase and heads for the door, "I am going to Russia, let's go." And I say, "no, we need to wait for our call and then we can go to Russia" and he says, "No, we're going to Russia now!".
Sigh. Yes, it is one of those days where again, I check for gray strands of hair.
Sigh. Yes, it is one of those days where again, I check for gray strands of hair.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
When Emotions Run High....
Here is a little something when emotions run high. Adoption is one of those times in life when it feels like the exam of your life.
Thoughts to Live By
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss.
Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a watergun and shoot other people in the eyes.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Never buy a car you can't push.
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on.
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
You are what you eat. So stay away from the jerk chicken.
Be nice to the nerds and geeks in high school -- you'll be working for them in the future.
If women were meant to chase men, don't you think God would of made them worth chasing?
A good friend will bail you out of jail, but your best friend will be the one sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!"
-Anonymous
Thoughts to Live By
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss.
Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a watergun and shoot other people in the eyes.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Never buy a car you can't push.
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on.
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
You are what you eat. So stay away from the jerk chicken.
Be nice to the nerds and geeks in high school -- you'll be working for them in the future.
If women were meant to chase men, don't you think God would of made them worth chasing?
A good friend will bail you out of jail, but your best friend will be the one sitting next to you saying "That was fucking awesome!"
-Anonymous
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)