Gazing out the window thinking about how quickly our lives change

A blink of an eye. Sure becoming a parent was super difficult but now I can barely think about when we didn't have Alexei. It feels like he has been here for so long with us, although just curbing around Gotcha day coming up in a week to make our family anniversary 2 years.

As I gaze out the bay window of my living room hearing the kids play down the street watching the breeze through the trees I sit and think about how quickly our life changes. Recently, both sides of our family have undergone incredibly heart breaking issues still struggling with trying to make it through each of them and yet this comes at one of our most anticipated moments in our life when we bring home a grandchild.

A strange twist of fate as my husband says optimistically, "this is what fate has in store." Sometimes, I wish I could use fate as a punching bag every once in awhile. Michael's parents, my second parents, people who have been there for us like, well parents. If it wasn't for them, we would not have Alexei. Their support is the type of support I want to be for my children the rest of my life. People you can look up to, people who are kind, fair and most of all, in difficult times, our greatest support.

Michael's father is in the hospital, has been for 3 weeks I guess now. I sigh heavily even writing this as I just feel so much for what they both are going through. Although we all follow it each day, there is a complete admiration I have for his mother. She gives her everything to him as she said in an e-mail and she does. She goes to the hospital every day and stays hours, breaks and comes back for hours while holding up the house, dog, her rental properties and grandchildren in Toronto.

She has been with him since out of high school and they pushed together through life's greatest challenges, warmest moments and share incredible memories. I sit here hoping that this is in store for Michael and I and that we can be that couple decades later getting through each day and making the most of each hour.

As the hospital prepares him for open heart surgery, we wait for good news, we wait to hear grandpa will be home and on skype in a few weeks. Grandpa is Alexei's second man to Michael. He loves grandpa. Talks about him all the time and my heart gets all weak having to explain that grandpa is not feeling well but soon you can see him on the computer, I say.

I write this full of emotions and who wouldn't feel those emotions. This year has been a serious test. Most who know me know that I have a huge heart, love for people and life, however it doesn't always show easily as my husband says to me two days ago while making the bed, "I should just face the fact I married a Russian woman." He smiled and I said what is meant by that? I know he is referring to me taking after my grandmother, our strength is on the outside as well as on the inside but we carry heavy hearts.
[On the surface he probably also meant that although he just tore into his nail and it hurt like hell, I said "come on, pull up the blanket" and he said, he hurt himself and I said, "you will be fine, let's go, get the comforter up". In my small defense, it was midnight and he was taking forever ;) lol]

Michael got me a necklace I refuse to take off and it is a lion carrying his heart on his back, a 19th century stamp. I suppose I use writing as a way to express what lies inside my heart.