Super Woman is Dead?

Adoption, kids, family, friends, finances, health, daily obligations, cleaning, pets, romance and a personal life?

I was speaking with my life transitional coach, specifically adoption support that I had the first go around and she said she had read the term, "Super Woman" was a dead word and that when women gained more freedom, what they often gained was another job. Let me explain as I have been thinking about this a lot lately with the amount of work on my platter, not plate.

My female line is the perfect example of women with careers and the freedom to make choices.
Great Grandmother: Teacher
Great Aunt: Nurse
Grandmother: Award Winning Journalist
Mother: Crisis and Trauma Counselor and University Professor

Culturally speaking there were plenty of high expectations for us as women in our family. My grandmother was the perfect example of a career woman from Hollywood journalism, San Diego CBS news anchor to flying into Vietnam in an active war zone in a helicopter. A tough Russian/British woman who would kiss us at a 2 inch distance on each cheek. She was incredible at who and what she did. That leaves me remembering how scared I was to interview her in high school as I thought I would not be able to do the job she did during a real interview. Needless to say, she was hardcore and very classy.
My mother took a different route so to speak. She works 60 - 80 hours a week, always has to make it to give us a great life. There were sacrifices for both women.

When I was born my grandmother was ready to raise a daughter. My mother and her mother were gone so much during their career, the little time left was to fulfill the rest of the expectations from hiring a nanny as my grandmother did to sending us off with grandparents as my mother did.

Where were the men? Well, my grandmothers father drowned at La Jolla Shores Beach while she watched at a young age, no one could get to him. My mother's father died when she was only 8 years old, also an award winning journalist who became ill after covering the test sites in Las Vegas. My great grandmother and aunt raised my grandmother a bit as my great grandfather passed away early as well.

Is Super Woman dead or has she just taken on another role?

Funny, but when you think of yourself as a woman, mother, wife, home maker, lets take it back to the Donna Reed era, now think of yourself in the modern era as a woman, mother, wife, home maker, career woman, care taker and that is just the beginning.

I look at my life and I am in no way complaining. I am a woman often thought of as solid as a rock, "HunterAnn? Oh yeh, she has it all." I often tell my friends that is not the case and nor is it easy as pie.
I think they just look at me like, "Yeh, right."

A week in the life of ME looks a bit like this:

- Adoption Paper work: I take care of 95% of the paper work. This includes making phone calls, setting up appointments, pleading with medical doctors to make copies of their license for our adoption or hoping the bills for each test, psychologist appointment, cpa appointment will not be an arm and a leg. Making copies, scanning images, e-mailing, sending out documents over night, lots of UPS visits, notary visits, drives to the capital for apostilles and so on. If my husband says, would you get the financial lists and e-mail them today, well that is another 2 hour job and plenty of research. Making meetings that fit into my husband's schedule, taking time off and hoping my husband can plead with his company to get 4 weeks of vacation, which does not include the days off for all of the appointments needed for this year.
- I pack
- I write up the 9 page instructions list for housesitter, mother's helping etc with Alexei.
- I am currently working on a 46 item list that is on my wall for the next 1.5 weeks before we take off.

- House Cleaning: On a lucky month, I get some one to clean half of my house, however in a daily week, that would be me. Yes, doing the dishes at midnight and hoping I get the toys picked up once that day. There are not high hopes in this department just being able to comfortably live in a clean house.

- Cooking: Well, breakfast for Alexei, Lunch for us and dinner when I can fit it in. If not, take out is there, sad but reality for now.

- Grocery Shopping: Sigh, this is in and out. So I get about 6 hours a week in baby sitting and during that time it is making my appointments, running to them, and doing errands like grocery shopping, mailing, etc. A very tight schedule.

- Work: I freelance. At this point between work, child, adoption stuff, house, pets, etc what mom doesn't feel like she works from the moment she gets up until midnight.

- Each night I wake up and cover Alexei in his blankets, usually 3-4x a night.

- My son: I love him more than anything but he came to us with the Disneyland Syndrome. He does not take naps but maybe 1x or 2x a week for an hour and he goes to bed at 11pm if we are lucky and only sleeps about 9 hours. He is actually on a pediatrician herbal remedy for now until the syndrome wears off. It means he is tired but he wants to know about everything, see everything and not miss out on a thing. So what does this have to do with me? LOL, he is my side kick ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT. Super woman side kick. He is energetic, all over me and I love it but where does that leave me? Hanging in there.

- Pets: Love them, have had them for a long time. 5 cats, 2 dogs and 6 fish, 1 frog. The fish and the frog have their tank, the cats have their own cattery area and the dogs, well they run the house: 2 large shepherds.

- Friends: As my friends know, my door is always open whether it be 2am or a 4am phone call. Yup, that's right. If you need me, you know you can count on me and I will always do my best to be there. That's just me.

- Wife: Well, lol, sadly I am sure that takes last place at the moment. I love my husband more than anything and he is incredibly kind and patient. What I love is that I can look fine yet feel overwhelmed and he takes one look and says, "Talk to me." He is my rock. So although I am responsible for basically everything but the main financial flow, I have him to lean on while I let everything else lean on me. Date nights are maybe 1x a month so we enjoy our time together with Alexei.


Now, having to come to this point has taken SO much sacrifice. Yup, that's right. All of this work I do above and more is actually a good thing but comes at a very costly price. Am I tired? Hell yes. Am I hanging at the end of the rope a lot? Hell yes. Is it all worth it? I have to believe it is.

For example, the lady at the bank who I have been working on trying to order new $100 dollar bills as they only do this during Christmas. Again, yes they only do this during Christmas means I have had to apply as an adoptive mother who needs new bills LOL. Anyways, she asks me yesterday, "Oh, so I guess adoption costs what, like as much as me getting pregnant and having a baby right?" I smile and say, "Well, no, not really and tell her a number". She went silent and began working even harder like she felt suddenly a need to help me lol.

Going broke for awhile is a normal side effect of adoption for many. I know it can be quite a struggle and if we are lucky to adopt through loans, family and fundraisers for some, well that is HUGE LUCK and GOOD FORTUNE.

I suppose in short I LOVE BEING A WOMAN. And I would never ever trade it for the world.

I also want to give a HUGE THANKS to the women in my life for without you all and you know who you are who often e-mail me even when I do not have time to respond right away and simply say, "Hi, how are you?" or for the incredible woman who delivers me coffee maybe 1x-2x a week if I see her, your simple gestures offer me a world of difference in getting me through the day and to a special woman who says to me, "Don't worry about it" I may always reply and say,

"I'm fine", which means, I will deal and move on.
or
"Hanging in there", which means I am at the end of my rope but after a good cry or breathing moment, I will be good as new.

Being a woman means carrying various roles and enduring stretching limits but the rewards are great even if we have to wait for them.

I believe women have taken on greater roles, however I do not believe Super Woman is dead but rather Super Woman has evolved.