I often write about Super Woman, mostly because I feel all of as women tend to juggle more than we can often handle but we do it with style and we make it through. We are stronger than we think even when life puts us to the test.
Super Woman fell this week, beaten down by too many of life's tests and challenges. Michael and I this February have been together for 12 years, 10 years married and we have been through so much but the last 3 months has proven to be incredibly difficult and complex. We have lost family friends, will lose another very close family friend and best friend in the coming months to cancer, lost our daughter in Russia, gained a son, went through a very personal loss, spent a long 6 weeks in Russia and many more issues all in the time period of returning from Russia in November, family visits, holidays and this past weekend was our first weekend to just breathe.
As we reflect and move forward in this year 2012, which we gratefully said goodbye to 2011, we think about where it will lead us and how we will become stronger.
Our new son from Russia is doing quite well. As most of you know he was a 6-9 month sizing for a 2 year old. He is now 12 month, going on 18 months and has gained 5 lbs in the last 3 months and grown 3.5 inches during this time period. It is amazing how well he has done. He loves his sleep due to all of his growth and is slowly being okay with a brother although he threw the first punch.
We are rolling towards the end of our transition period and becoming more used to having 2 boys. They are energetic, keep going every second of the day and are currently in competition to see who can get the most attention from us. In fact, my Alexei often likes to pretend he is Ewan. Aye, aye, aye.
When it comes to Russian Adoption, I highly recommend leaning a bit on other parents for advice and just to feel normal. I do not often ask for help, hold my cards tightly to my chest and feel that I, Super Woman can do it all on my own. Well, it didn't work out this past week and I finally broke down hard. I will get back on my feet and move forward but for those of you who are in the early stages, in the midst or transitioning, we are here for you!!! Reach out and don't try to be the ultra I got it all together type. It just doesn't always work out. You are not alone.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Monday, December 26, 2011
Just $1100 More Dollars to Raise for Orphans at Play This Year
Just $1100 more dollars to raise in reaching our goal to fund two grandmothers for the year 2012. We look forward to giving the children 2 wonderful supportive grandmas who will help encourage positive development, give hugs, interactive play and stimulate growth. Every dollar counts so please think about giving a coffee drink worth of money or if you have a special person you would like to honor this month we are still sending Give a Grandma Cards to those you would like to donate money in their name with a special message.
On a personal note: I have two boys, one from a Russian baby hospital and the other from a baby home and I would have given so much to know they had that extra interaction and love each day. When I met my first son, he would stare blankly into the sky and out of the window. I could see such much more happening in that little mind of his however with such little stimulation, he just sat there. He did not even know how to grasp a play car they had put in front of him. The simple pleasures like feeling grass between their toes, many may not experience until they are much older. I walked him around the hotel that first day and we touched leaves together and I saw his eyes widen with each experience.
The grandmas will be put into these homes following curriculum that has been created specially by our development team giving these orphans a chance to flourish a bit more than they would in an average day.
Please take a moment and help us reach our goal. We have come a long way and are almost there! Thank you to those who have helped us raise $3900 dollars.
Orphans at Play
On a personal note: I have two boys, one from a Russian baby hospital and the other from a baby home and I would have given so much to know they had that extra interaction and love each day. When I met my first son, he would stare blankly into the sky and out of the window. I could see such much more happening in that little mind of his however with such little stimulation, he just sat there. He did not even know how to grasp a play car they had put in front of him. The simple pleasures like feeling grass between their toes, many may not experience until they are much older. I walked him around the hotel that first day and we touched leaves together and I saw his eyes widen with each experience.
The grandmas will be put into these homes following curriculum that has been created specially by our development team giving these orphans a chance to flourish a bit more than they would in an average day.
Please take a moment and help us reach our goal. We have come a long way and are almost there! Thank you to those who have helped us raise $3900 dollars.
Orphans at Play
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Transitioning Back Home with Lil Ewan
I have not been on here as much as I would like to update on how the transition is going. I have found it interesting to see such differences in the children with regard to what we need to concentrate on versus what we had to with Alexei.
Ewan's Transition Time:
- Sleeps well
- Whiny to the extreme
- Babbles a lot but does not like to speak very much, although he totally can say about 5 words just fine. If you ask him to say Mama he just smiles. Now he says the word Hi all of the time in a sing songy version I must get on video for people to believe me when I say he sounds like a guy picking a girl up in a bar. Eeks. lol.
- He had giardia. Recommend a full check on all children when brought home. He was a bit bloated and seriously thirsty, which were symptoms. We are currently having him checked now for H-pylori.
- We think he may be head butting his head. I have only caught him once but he seems to like to bruise the same spot on the middle of his forehead a lot.
- We are taking him to a cardiologist due to a heart murmur to confirm he is fine and address his heavy breathing when he drinks too much.
- He will drink to the point of throwing it up or basically his stomach will just not allow more fluids. Well, we have controlled his intake and we thought 2 sippy cups wouldn't be too bad.
- His balance is improving, his leg strength and running. We have him pick himself up all of the time and it has really helped with his legs and confidence.
- He does like to go head first any time he can so watching him around stairs and making sure the gate is closed is huge.
- He hated the car seat at first but with music he will settle in and snacks of course.
- He hates, absolutely hates being bundled up. I hate to say it Russia as I am very kind on most things but these children do not stand for being bundled up when we get them home. I have one child, Alexei who will run naked any chance he can and now Ewan undresses himself at night and every time we get into the car, the shoes and socks must come off including the hat. This is on very cold days too. Aargh. They rebel BIG time like the teenage years.
- He uses the "potty" only when you say "Mochitsya" Yup, who knows where he got that word but "Pisit" has not worked yet.
- Walks up to the world and will let them hold him. Must curb this now.
Ewan likes to pick up stuff and put it in his mouth all of the time. He is so different from Alexei it is just amazing but then he also came from a hospital that was so rigid in it's structure and Alexei was just not used to so much rigidity.
Alexei's transition time:
- Didn't sleep, still doesn't. He is my midnight hour boy. If it wasn't for melatonin the Dr. prescribed, I am not sure if he ever would lol. He was done with naps the moment he came home. I have been to all of the specialists and they say he is a Disneyland syndrome boy, high functioning and doesn't want to miss a thing. He is fine. Well tell that to his Mama who is up with him at 1:45am to this day at times.
- Hyper. He is very energetic. He is focused though.
- Talkative. Speech was pretty much easy and he picked up very fast. He knows both languages with small words and some French. The kid just picks up languages and asks about everything. You know the kid in "Bad Santa" that asks why every other moment. Yup, that's him. Dear lord, give me strength ha ha.
- So we took him to NY to visit our Vlad family and ever since then he says, "Huh?" drawn out with an accent. Sigh, even if he has heard it 4x, he will say it and I say, what did I just say and he will repeat it so I know he heard it and his hearing is very good.
- My right hand. He has always been Mini Mama, my right hand, helps me with everything, even the dishes and right now he is finally asleep at midnight holding onto my arm on the couch.
- His strength in his legs was pretty amazing at 15 months old. Very strong child but then the babies I have seen from his baby home are pretty darn strong with bad sleeping habits lol.
- He tries every food first and then will tell me if he does not like it. In fact, he finished off a pomegranate with me tonight.
Due to his lack of sleeping and high energy, his transition left Mama crying at times but now I have the strength and patience to know how to work it just right and communicate with him on a level that works. I can't blame him as he came from a baby home to us and said, "Look world, I am ready now!" And has never stopped being ready.
Ewan's Transition Time:
- Sleeps well
- Whiny to the extreme
- Babbles a lot but does not like to speak very much, although he totally can say about 5 words just fine. If you ask him to say Mama he just smiles. Now he says the word Hi all of the time in a sing songy version I must get on video for people to believe me when I say he sounds like a guy picking a girl up in a bar. Eeks. lol.
- He had giardia. Recommend a full check on all children when brought home. He was a bit bloated and seriously thirsty, which were symptoms. We are currently having him checked now for H-pylori.
- We think he may be head butting his head. I have only caught him once but he seems to like to bruise the same spot on the middle of his forehead a lot.
- We are taking him to a cardiologist due to a heart murmur to confirm he is fine and address his heavy breathing when he drinks too much.
- He will drink to the point of throwing it up or basically his stomach will just not allow more fluids. Well, we have controlled his intake and we thought 2 sippy cups wouldn't be too bad.
- His balance is improving, his leg strength and running. We have him pick himself up all of the time and it has really helped with his legs and confidence.
- He does like to go head first any time he can so watching him around stairs and making sure the gate is closed is huge.
- He hated the car seat at first but with music he will settle in and snacks of course.
- He hates, absolutely hates being bundled up. I hate to say it Russia as I am very kind on most things but these children do not stand for being bundled up when we get them home. I have one child, Alexei who will run naked any chance he can and now Ewan undresses himself at night and every time we get into the car, the shoes and socks must come off including the hat. This is on very cold days too. Aargh. They rebel BIG time like the teenage years.
- He uses the "potty" only when you say "Mochitsya" Yup, who knows where he got that word but "Pisit" has not worked yet.
- Walks up to the world and will let them hold him. Must curb this now.
Ewan likes to pick up stuff and put it in his mouth all of the time. He is so different from Alexei it is just amazing but then he also came from a hospital that was so rigid in it's structure and Alexei was just not used to so much rigidity.
Alexei's transition time:
- Didn't sleep, still doesn't. He is my midnight hour boy. If it wasn't for melatonin the Dr. prescribed, I am not sure if he ever would lol. He was done with naps the moment he came home. I have been to all of the specialists and they say he is a Disneyland syndrome boy, high functioning and doesn't want to miss a thing. He is fine. Well tell that to his Mama who is up with him at 1:45am to this day at times.
- Hyper. He is very energetic. He is focused though.
- Talkative. Speech was pretty much easy and he picked up very fast. He knows both languages with small words and some French. The kid just picks up languages and asks about everything. You know the kid in "Bad Santa" that asks why every other moment. Yup, that's him. Dear lord, give me strength ha ha.
- So we took him to NY to visit our Vlad family and ever since then he says, "Huh?" drawn out with an accent. Sigh, even if he has heard it 4x, he will say it and I say, what did I just say and he will repeat it so I know he heard it and his hearing is very good.
- My right hand. He has always been Mini Mama, my right hand, helps me with everything, even the dishes and right now he is finally asleep at midnight holding onto my arm on the couch.
- His strength in his legs was pretty amazing at 15 months old. Very strong child but then the babies I have seen from his baby home are pretty darn strong with bad sleeping habits lol.
- He tries every food first and then will tell me if he does not like it. In fact, he finished off a pomegranate with me tonight.
Due to his lack of sleeping and high energy, his transition left Mama crying at times but now I have the strength and patience to know how to work it just right and communicate with him on a level that works. I can't blame him as he came from a baby home to us and said, "Look world, I am ready now!" And has never stopped being ready.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Donate Your Coffee Drinks This Week to Orphans at Play: Give a Child a Hug This Holiday Season
Give the Gift that Lasts all Year Long: the Gift of a Grandma and Help our Orphans in Russia. Just 2 Coffee Drinks this Week equals $10 dollars.
As I sit going over my list for the holidays by the twinkly lights of our tree, I cannot help but think of the children I saw reaching their arms into the sky for us as we walked past, some saying, "Mama". I watch my boys run around in the house all snuggly in their holiday pajamas and playing with their toys. To think they were one of those children hoping for the same thing each child in those orphanages so desperately want, a Mama, a Papa and a forever family. Something so simple. Something we often take for granted, a life with a balanced nutritional diet, apple juice anytime they come in asking me, toys galore and the most cherished item, a hug. The simple act of a hug can help with development and give a child a moment of hope and love.
Orphans at Play designed curriculum specifically to give children a chance at getting that simple hug, play time and increase their ability in attachment and physical development. We ask that you give your holiday list a second look and if there is someone you have been wanting to get a gift for this season, make it a gift of a hug from one of our special grandma's to be placed in an orphanage. Your donation, whether $10 or more goes specifically to the Give a Grandma program this season. The funds will be sent to Vladivostok directly in care of the Give a Grandma program, which will place grandma's into baby homes and orphanages for the year 2012. We are seeking to raise a total of 5000k. So far we have reached 2000k. We currently have two Grandma's waiting to be put into homes in Nakhodka and we hope to place more into the Vladivostok City area.
Your donation is tax deductible and you will receive a specially designed certificate for the recipient your donation will be in honor of with our upcoming launch of Give a Grandma this Holiday Season.
To hear the words, "I love you Mama" when my son hugs me is worth it all. Give a Hug this Holiday Season. Help us Give a Grandma. Just $10 dollars, much like 2 coffee drinks will get us a bit farther in reaching our goal. I challenge all of you, my family and friends to give just $10 this week. - HunterAnn
Donate to www.orphansatplay.org this week.
Donate
As I sit going over my list for the holidays by the twinkly lights of our tree, I cannot help but think of the children I saw reaching their arms into the sky for us as we walked past, some saying, "Mama". I watch my boys run around in the house all snuggly in their holiday pajamas and playing with their toys. To think they were one of those children hoping for the same thing each child in those orphanages so desperately want, a Mama, a Papa and a forever family. Something so simple. Something we often take for granted, a life with a balanced nutritional diet, apple juice anytime they come in asking me, toys galore and the most cherished item, a hug. The simple act of a hug can help with development and give a child a moment of hope and love.
Orphans at Play designed curriculum specifically to give children a chance at getting that simple hug, play time and increase their ability in attachment and physical development. We ask that you give your holiday list a second look and if there is someone you have been wanting to get a gift for this season, make it a gift of a hug from one of our special grandma's to be placed in an orphanage. Your donation, whether $10 or more goes specifically to the Give a Grandma program this season. The funds will be sent to Vladivostok directly in care of the Give a Grandma program, which will place grandma's into baby homes and orphanages for the year 2012. We are seeking to raise a total of 5000k. So far we have reached 2000k. We currently have two Grandma's waiting to be put into homes in Nakhodka and we hope to place more into the Vladivostok City area.
Your donation is tax deductible and you will receive a specially designed certificate for the recipient your donation will be in honor of with our upcoming launch of Give a Grandma this Holiday Season.
To hear the words, "I love you Mama" when my son hugs me is worth it all. Give a Hug this Holiday Season. Help us Give a Grandma. Just $10 dollars, much like 2 coffee drinks will get us a bit farther in reaching our goal. I challenge all of you, my family and friends to give just $10 this week. - HunterAnn
Donate to www.orphansatplay.org this week.
Donate
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
Never underestimate a 3.5 year old
I have been home for 1.5 weeks and we are transitioning into having two boys. Two boys with two huge personalities.
Only in the middle of the night do I sit and think about at times the last 6 weeks and as I adjust and start to move forward I realize that my son Alexei is going through an even harder time on a different level. Will I ever be the same me? Not at all. Am I still angry? Completely. When asked recently about the situation and how I was feeling, I said I am angry, angry at how this happened. I know there are 5 stages and maybe that's life, I just have to endure. My husband is on the next stage. I figure it is because he got home earlier and could deal with things sooner.
In the last 4 days, this is what I have had to either answer or sit down and talk about with my Alexei who is at his own grieving stage:
1) When are we going back to Russia to pick up my sister?
2) (the hardest one) Why did we lose my sister?
3) Tell me about the story of when we are going to Russia to pick up my sister. The one with the airplane and us playing.
4) I have a sister and a brother. My sister is in Russia.
Some people tell me how 3 year old's do not remember much. Let me tell you, from a child development background, they remember almost everything. I have sat here with my son the last couple of days and he has told me about how I should remember when we went on the horse ride at Disneyland and how we saw Goofy and met Mickey Mouse. He had just turned 2 and he recalls every detail. My husband said just the other day he was recalling the entire trip down to details.
I know from when I was 3 I remember just about everything too.
So, how old is too old to sit down and explain what happened? Well, I have said her mother came back for her but then the whole question comes up, is she with her mother? Well, then the question is do you lie to your child? I have never been one to feel comfortable doing so. I then work on avoidance of the issue, however as you have seen above, it will take time and it is still quite fresh in my little 3 year old's mind.
Only in the middle of the night do I sit and think about at times the last 6 weeks and as I adjust and start to move forward I realize that my son Alexei is going through an even harder time on a different level. Will I ever be the same me? Not at all. Am I still angry? Completely. When asked recently about the situation and how I was feeling, I said I am angry, angry at how this happened. I know there are 5 stages and maybe that's life, I just have to endure. My husband is on the next stage. I figure it is because he got home earlier and could deal with things sooner.
In the last 4 days, this is what I have had to either answer or sit down and talk about with my Alexei who is at his own grieving stage:
1) When are we going back to Russia to pick up my sister?
2) (the hardest one) Why did we lose my sister?
3) Tell me about the story of when we are going to Russia to pick up my sister. The one with the airplane and us playing.
4) I have a sister and a brother. My sister is in Russia.
Some people tell me how 3 year old's do not remember much. Let me tell you, from a child development background, they remember almost everything. I have sat here with my son the last couple of days and he has told me about how I should remember when we went on the horse ride at Disneyland and how we saw Goofy and met Mickey Mouse. He had just turned 2 and he recalls every detail. My husband said just the other day he was recalling the entire trip down to details.
I know from when I was 3 I remember just about everything too.
So, how old is too old to sit down and explain what happened? Well, I have said her mother came back for her but then the whole question comes up, is she with her mother? Well, then the question is do you lie to your child? I have never been one to feel comfortable doing so. I then work on avoidance of the issue, however as you have seen above, it will take time and it is still quite fresh in my little 3 year old's mind.
Monday, November 7, 2011
The Last 6 Weeks and My Strength
Today, my parents went home. I now get to spend the first day tomorrow with my boys, just the 3 of us. As I take the first moment to reflect (I see many moments like these in the next few days) on everything we have gone through this past year and most importantly these past 6 weeks, I think of my grandmother who died suddenly 9 years.
How has she been such an impact on the strength I have had to get me through these past 6 weeks?
My grandmother Natalie or should we say "mom" since grandmother was not in her vocabulary was a woman that I am sure I have felt was a steep hill to even live up to with all she had accomplished in her time period. Her photos sit on my mantle, as my screen saver and downstairs in my hallway that serve as a reminder to where I have come from and where I am today.
She was a driven woman pushed strongly by her mother, Anna a nurse and her aunt Irene who she was raised by since watching her father Nicholas drown right off La Jolla Shores Beach when she was a young girl.
She played oboe in the school symphony and went off to university where she took her music further. Then she became a reporter for United Press International and was on her way to cover the fashion shows in Paris and around the world. The woman was unstoppable living in a man's world. She became the first CBS anchor woman in San Diego in addition to news radio, covering the hard news as well as hollywood women's press club and covering the Vietnam war in a helicopter with her news photographer above a war zone and marrying the love of her life who was also a news reporter in San Francisco and Los Angeles.
He, being my grandfather Bill died when my mother was 8 years old suddenly after being taken to a hospital. While the love of her life passed away, she received notice the same day that her mother had suddenly died 2 hours away while being with my mother who was also just a young girl.
Now a single parent of a daughter and a full time news lady, there was no time to slow down in the early 60's. She kept going, gone on assignments all of the time and when home having a social life that mixed with work and was gone at fancy engagements.
I remember being 17 and asked by my highschool teacher to interview my grandmother. Phmmp, try doing this when your grandmother does this for a living. I was so incredibly nervous and was afraid to ask her anything if it wasn't the "Right" way to do so. I looked up to her hugely. She was "mom" after all and you did what she said and you dressed the part, always dressed up to every dinner, holiday, engagement, you name it and what I remember most was when she said, "You do what you do for you, that's all that matters in life." She was a strong woman but had to be. I do not remember her tearing up once until her next husband passed away.
She went swimming and worked out daily, always in bed before midnight as she said otherwise you would not look your best. She taught me to walk with books on my head, put me in a summer program on how to eat properly, dress well and walk the runway at the old Broadway store. My clothes were made for me by Saks Fifth Ave for years by a lady with long rimmed black glasses and the funniest hair do but this was expected by my grandmother.
Life was certainly with high expectations so now that she has been gone for 9 years, I know that there is so much of me who feels that life is important and I cannot let everything that has happened to us just fall to the wayside nor can I let it drain me of life but rather I can transition into the next stage of my life stronger and more prepared.
I often think of everything she had gone through and the person she became. She was incredible and most of it sadly I learned as I sat for a week with family and called her very large book of contacts to say she had passed.
Most of all, I feel she has been there with me in Russia for all those weeks. She lived in a complex time period in America. Concerning her job, there were things better left unsaid. I remember though being raised on sour cream in every thing, soups, sauces being made in what they call a tyudka in Russia, borscht on our table, red cabbage, shredded carrots in everything (ick), mushrooms in everything, the importance of her daily vodka with a twist (never went a day without it), the strength she carried with her, the importance of taking me to restaurants with Russian culture and how proud of me she was when I agreed to take Russian language in highschool. I knew we had family in Britain and that was all that mattered. This is what we were. She was strong about this but not until we decided to adopt our son from Russia has so many things come back to me and talking with my mother have I found out so much and learned so much about myself and who I am.
Through my sons I have found a greater me. I always thought I would have a daughter. It was important to my grandmother and we have had the strong women in our life passed down through generations and now I have 2 boys. I walked out today to my livingroom looking at my husband and 2 boys. I thought wow, I am to raise 2 boys.
I will say this as I have said in the past, Do not be afraid to ask your parents questions and to get to know them, even to sit down and ask them everything you have ever wanted to know. I learned more about my grandmother once she died and yet she was in my life since the day I was born guiding me to the woman I am today.
Some people have asked or said to me, "How have you been these past 6 weeks? or I could never have done it, how did you? or You have so much strength."
I dedicate this strength to the women in my family who have pushed us to take that step in making it no matter what comes in our path.
My husband who taught me to cry and hug and I will say, my grandmother spent 10 hours at least with his parents one day making sure he was the man I should be with, which I did not know about until after and I still think that in some way, he was brought to me to make this all happen and to do this together.
He is often my calm, my strength that was also my grandmother "mom". She died a year after I married him and I often think as those two hummingbirds came to my window flying still in the air together looking my direction that morning, signifying my grandfather, Robert Hunter and my grandmother Natalie Ann that they were there to tell me, "It's your turn now but we are here with you every step of the way."
They have been and now I hope to pass down everything that was passed to me on the importance of living and being a person who can overcome many of life's most difficult hurdles.
To my grandmother as I drink her daily vice, Vodka with a twist, "za schast'ye", To happiness. Thank you for bringing me here.
How has she been such an impact on the strength I have had to get me through these past 6 weeks?
My grandmother Natalie or should we say "mom" since grandmother was not in her vocabulary was a woman that I am sure I have felt was a steep hill to even live up to with all she had accomplished in her time period. Her photos sit on my mantle, as my screen saver and downstairs in my hallway that serve as a reminder to where I have come from and where I am today.
She was a driven woman pushed strongly by her mother, Anna a nurse and her aunt Irene who she was raised by since watching her father Nicholas drown right off La Jolla Shores Beach when she was a young girl.
She played oboe in the school symphony and went off to university where she took her music further. Then she became a reporter for United Press International and was on her way to cover the fashion shows in Paris and around the world. The woman was unstoppable living in a man's world. She became the first CBS anchor woman in San Diego in addition to news radio, covering the hard news as well as hollywood women's press club and covering the Vietnam war in a helicopter with her news photographer above a war zone and marrying the love of her life who was also a news reporter in San Francisco and Los Angeles.
He, being my grandfather Bill died when my mother was 8 years old suddenly after being taken to a hospital. While the love of her life passed away, she received notice the same day that her mother had suddenly died 2 hours away while being with my mother who was also just a young girl.
Now a single parent of a daughter and a full time news lady, there was no time to slow down in the early 60's. She kept going, gone on assignments all of the time and when home having a social life that mixed with work and was gone at fancy engagements.
I remember being 17 and asked by my highschool teacher to interview my grandmother. Phmmp, try doing this when your grandmother does this for a living. I was so incredibly nervous and was afraid to ask her anything if it wasn't the "Right" way to do so. I looked up to her hugely. She was "mom" after all and you did what she said and you dressed the part, always dressed up to every dinner, holiday, engagement, you name it and what I remember most was when she said, "You do what you do for you, that's all that matters in life." She was a strong woman but had to be. I do not remember her tearing up once until her next husband passed away.
She went swimming and worked out daily, always in bed before midnight as she said otherwise you would not look your best. She taught me to walk with books on my head, put me in a summer program on how to eat properly, dress well and walk the runway at the old Broadway store. My clothes were made for me by Saks Fifth Ave for years by a lady with long rimmed black glasses and the funniest hair do but this was expected by my grandmother.
Life was certainly with high expectations so now that she has been gone for 9 years, I know that there is so much of me who feels that life is important and I cannot let everything that has happened to us just fall to the wayside nor can I let it drain me of life but rather I can transition into the next stage of my life stronger and more prepared.
I often think of everything she had gone through and the person she became. She was incredible and most of it sadly I learned as I sat for a week with family and called her very large book of contacts to say she had passed.
Most of all, I feel she has been there with me in Russia for all those weeks. She lived in a complex time period in America. Concerning her job, there were things better left unsaid. I remember though being raised on sour cream in every thing, soups, sauces being made in what they call a tyudka in Russia, borscht on our table, red cabbage, shredded carrots in everything (ick), mushrooms in everything, the importance of her daily vodka with a twist (never went a day without it), the strength she carried with her, the importance of taking me to restaurants with Russian culture and how proud of me she was when I agreed to take Russian language in highschool. I knew we had family in Britain and that was all that mattered. This is what we were. She was strong about this but not until we decided to adopt our son from Russia has so many things come back to me and talking with my mother have I found out so much and learned so much about myself and who I am.
Through my sons I have found a greater me. I always thought I would have a daughter. It was important to my grandmother and we have had the strong women in our life passed down through generations and now I have 2 boys. I walked out today to my livingroom looking at my husband and 2 boys. I thought wow, I am to raise 2 boys.
I will say this as I have said in the past, Do not be afraid to ask your parents questions and to get to know them, even to sit down and ask them everything you have ever wanted to know. I learned more about my grandmother once she died and yet she was in my life since the day I was born guiding me to the woman I am today.
Some people have asked or said to me, "How have you been these past 6 weeks? or I could never have done it, how did you? or You have so much strength."
I dedicate this strength to the women in my family who have pushed us to take that step in making it no matter what comes in our path.
My husband who taught me to cry and hug and I will say, my grandmother spent 10 hours at least with his parents one day making sure he was the man I should be with, which I did not know about until after and I still think that in some way, he was brought to me to make this all happen and to do this together.
He is often my calm, my strength that was also my grandmother "mom". She died a year after I married him and I often think as those two hummingbirds came to my window flying still in the air together looking my direction that morning, signifying my grandfather, Robert Hunter and my grandmother Natalie Ann that they were there to tell me, "It's your turn now but we are here with you every step of the way."
They have been and now I hope to pass down everything that was passed to me on the importance of living and being a person who can overcome many of life's most difficult hurdles.
To my grandmother as I drink her daily vice, Vodka with a twist, "za schast'ye", To happiness. Thank you for bringing me here.
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